Duchess of Bedford

The ladies in turn invited each other and so began what would become a cultural sensation bringing with it the rules and customs of a class-dominated society.
	The etiquette of teatime has changed dramatically but still today classes and seminars are held to explain and enjoy the ritual of “Proper” afternoon tea especially for children whose parents wish them to be taught good manners. The etiquette of teatime has changed dramatically but still today

At the tea table the seated guests are served by the hostess. Loose tea of course is preferable and milk if required-never cream as its heavy quality disguises the flavour of the tea. Lemon slices may be added but of course never in conjunction with milk as this will cause curdling. We could devote an entire article to the question “Milk in first or last?”

Many people chose to put milk in the cup prior to pouring the tea in order not to shock the delicate china risking breakage in what is usually a cold climate. The very fact that they worried about such a thing stamped them as being of a lower social class and to this day you can still hear some unfortunate soul being scathingly described as a “Milk-in-first” person!!

If seated at a high dining table the cup is lifted from the saucer with each sip. If seated at a low coffee style table the cup and saucer are raised together, the cup held by placing the index finger through the loop of the handle to just below the knuckle. Contrary to popular belief, the ring and pinky fingers are never extended; this is a sign of very bad manners

Thought to date from the Middle Ages when the gentry or ruling classes ate with three fingers and the serfs or common people ate with all five. Extending the pinky was considered a gesture of arrogance and should still be avoided.

When stirring tea it should be swished gently with the spoon avoiding clinking against the side of the cup. The tea is quietly sipped from the cup - never from the spoon!!

To this day I can never conduct or attend cuppings (professional tastings) in complete comfort. The infused tea is slurped noisily through the teeth with an inhaled breath to splash in aerosol style against the back of the tongue and mouth accompanied by much tongue slapping and clucking. No matter where I am I can feel my mother glaring at me across the table .........Old habits die hard!!!

Napkins should be linen and are placed to the left of the tea plate. They are unfolded and placed on the lap. (Many tea salons have tea sommeliers and servers who will do this for you)

If you must leave the table for any reason, the napkin is placed on the seat of your chair until you return. When finished, the unfolded napkin is replaced on the table to the left of the plate. Your hostess will indicate when it is appropriate to leave the table. 

If scones are eaten they are split with the tea knife and jam and butter are taken from their individual bowls using the serving spoons and the ’blobs’ placed on the side of the tea plate, never directly on to the scone. The jam is spread first with the cream on top. If all this fuss and bother seems stuffy, stilted and unnecessary it must be remembered that it was typical of a very strait-laced Victorian

society. It’s not important if you clink your spoon or drop your knife, all that matters is the enjoyment of the best tea you can acquire and the company in which it is served.

“Take some more tea,” the March Hare said to Alice, very earnestly.
“I’ve had nothing yet,” Alice replied in an offended tone: so I can’t take more.”
“You mean you can’t take less,” said the Hatter. “It’s very easy to take more.”
Lewis Carroll—–Alice in Wonderland

Editor's Note: Elizabeth (Elly) Gilmore and her husband Bob own and operate the "Bean on 41," a wonderful Coffee and Tea House located at  2705 Tamiami Trail in Punta Gorda (941) 575-1212. Stop by sometime soon and say hi.... We can guarantee that you will be back again and again!